Took a breath and took a step today. A step, or should I say, one of many steps, that I’ve been wanting and praying to take for a very long time; a step toward a new type of freedom. I always knew that I felt an unbearable since of overwhelm because of the (many) things around me. Well, I’m pretty much over living that way.
I figure, that since five very important people also share my life and this space with me, the best way for us to begin this journey is by me taking care of ME first. Can’t have everyone around me diving head first into a life that they’ve never known or even understood could be beneficial to them to begin with, if I, myself, haven’t begun to make change. What better way to do this than by, of course writing about it, but also moving up and out of my comfortable place and ridding myself of a load that I’ve both knowingly and unknowingly carried around my entire life now. So, starting today, I’ve decided to minimize our lives.
I knew and felt very strongly about, going into this, that I did not want this to be just another one of those rushed projects to clean, organize, or purge. Instead, I understand that this is a much deeper process for me; a process to minimize my things, yes, but also a process to improve and make healthy my entire way of thinking. That said, I made the decision to begin carefully and constructively getting rid of the excess.
I started with cleaning the drawers and cabinets in my kitchen after a long day of work today. And while the thought of doing something like this would have greatly induced feelings of anxiety and unhappiness on any other day, on this day, I welcomed it with a warm and gentle embrace. I think most of my ease simply came from knowing that I had to take a step for positive change, and that on my own, like the big girl I’ve always wanted to be, I decided that today would be that day. I remember feeling a sense of glee as I began making my way through the drawers and cabinets, pulling out utensils, plasticware, and drinkware; it was an atypical yet satisfying feeling. And as it all sat there, enough to fill an entire medium sized box, I remembered glancing it over, trying to find even the slightest of reason to keep at least some of it. And just like I thought prior to lifting any of it, there weren’t any; no viable reason whatsoever as to why any of it deserved even a sliver of my space, or my thought. So, I packaged it all up, and this weekend, I’ll go through and decide what to sell and what can be given away.
I imagine I’ll feel a ‘okay tomorrow morning. A bit lighter I suppose with a sense of pride that I had finally taken the first step toward freedom. I imagine that I’ll spend a lot of my day contemplating what I should do next; which room, or space to free from thing’s skintight grip. But just like the day before, I’ll approach whichever room, space, place with sincere gratitude for the process in which my family is now joyfully engaging. I can honestly say, that for the first time in a long time, I’m beginning to see freedom as something capable of being achieved, instead of something I could only dream of and hope for.